


Never More

by toomanyunfinishedfics



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Also I say Nanako's Shadow at the beginning but it's more like a Cognitive Nanako, Also there's implied Souji/IT but the focus is Souyo, And mentions of suicide plus attempted suicide, But there is offhand mention of it/allusions to it if that bothers anyone, Here I am again with my NG+ x100 bs, Hurt/Comfort, I didn't tag Major Character Death for the warnings since it doesn't directly happen in the fic, M/M, New Game Plus, Not phrased as bluntly as that but yeah, Okay I think that's all the tags I wanted to add lmao, So I just left it as Nanako's Shadow for simplicity's sake lol, Souji's Shadow also appears for a bit at the beginning, Spoilers, The rest of the IT is present for the beginning of the fic but I won't clutter the tags lol, Though I don't think that concept appears until P5?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toomanyunfinishedfics/pseuds/toomanyunfinishedfics
Summary: Souji is unwilling to let go of the one year in his life where he had friends, where he felt important, where he washappy--so he decides to just do it over again.And again.And again.And again--
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji
Comments: 10
Kudos: 159





	Never More

**Author's Note:**

> Another NG+ fic? On _my_ AO3? It's more likely than you think.
> 
> Funny enough, when I wrote this I wasn't even thinking about my P5 NG+ series lmao;; I was actually thinking about Revue Starlight--which I won't spoil for anyone who hasn't watched it (though I would highly recommend watching it, it's so good), but there is one character whose circumstances and personality were so much like Souji that my brain latched onto the idea and ran away with it lol, and I even ended up borrowing a few quotes because they were just too perfect to pass up ;u;
> 
> Enjoy! ^^ And keep in mind before you read that there's spoilers for all of P4 (especially the bad ends)!
> 
> ~~Also: 129 years - > 12/9 (US release date of P4), so it's not just a random number lmao I just wanted a number that would tie in with P4 on a meta level~~

Souji never had a Shadow.

In all one hundred twenty-nine years that he'd repeated, despite all the little experimental changes that he'd made along the way for better or worse, Souji had never once had a Shadow.

He should have ignored it--he _wanted_ to ignore it. He could fight just fine without Izanagi, after all, so there was no real _need_ to confront it.

Yet he could never bring himself to say no to his friends. In the end, he just loved them too much, enough so that he was willing to ignore his own trepidation about this completely unknown variable in his normal, predictable year in order to avoid arguing with everyone as they insisted that they needed to find Souji's Shadow and help him overcome whatever it was that had caused it to appear.

Endearingly enough, his friends all seemed much more nervous about encountering Souji's Shadow than Souji himself was, which said a lot considering how Souji's insides were twisting and he was half tempted to unsheathe his sword and force a reset just to avoid speaking with his Shadow--not because he feared what it would say, but rather because he feared what his friends would think.

… Well, if they reacted badly, the forced reset option was still on the table. It wouldn't be the first time he'd taken that option after making a mistake that couldn't be retracted or fixed, after all, though he hoped it would be the last.

Dying wasn't very pleasant, no matter how many times he did it.

In any case, he was almost tempted to tell everyone to relax, but he knew already that they would deny any accusations of being nervous and would try and put on brave faces for him as if he was the one that needed comforting. It was a sweet thought, as unnecessary as it was--after all, any trepidation that he felt wasn’t exactly something that they could assuage without agreeing to let him speak with his Shadow alone, which he knew that they wouldn’t accede to.

He knew everything about them, by now. It was so easy to predict how they would react after spending over a hundred years quietly observing each of them, which meant there was no need to waste any of their time leading a conversation that would end up going nowhere.

Better to just let this play out, then.

They made their way through the perfect replica of Inaba, Souji listening quietly to his team’s wary murmurs as they wondered how a place that looked exactly like home could feel the most unsettling out of all the dungeons they made their way through.

There were no Shadows--or rather, there were, but they were merely taking the place of all the people that Souji would see in the same spots every day, doing the same things every day, again and again for decades upon decades. It went without saying that he would have everything memorized after that long.

Not that they knew that, of course.

The Shadows paid them no mind, and Souji paid the Shadows no mind in return as he calmly walked past them, with the rest of his team warily inching by behind him as if ready for the Shadows to suddenly turn and attack.

They didn’t, of course. Just as Souji figured, because Souji knew everything--which wasn’t an arrogant statement to make, not when it was merely the truth--and it was obvious even without ever having stepped foot in this dungeon that there was no malicious intent.

He knew exactly where to go, where his Shadow would be most likely to be waiting for him: the Dojima household, the only place he’d ever truly called home in his life.

As expected, Souji’s Shadow was calmly waiting for them as soon as they entered, sitting in the living room with a Shadow version of Nanako happily sitting on his lap watching TV with him.

Both Souji and his Shadow were the only ones that seemed to be unfazed by the whole scenario--it was so different from all the times that they’d had to travel through dungeons to find and defeat someone’s Shadow, and it was obvious that none of them knew how to react save for warily eyeing Souji’s and Nanako’s Shadows.

Nanako’s Shadow was the first to break the silence that had fallen over the room, looking between her older brother and the group that just entered the house.

“ _Are you fighting?_ ”

Despite having an unmistakable warp to her voice that marked her as a Shadow, her tone and expression were indistinguishable from the real Nanako, to the point where no one could so much as lift a weapon in front of her.

Souji’s Shadow smiled as he put a hand on Shadow Nanako’s head, comforting her just as Souji would comfort Nanako himself. “ _Don’t worry, we’re just going to talk. Can you wait for me upstairs?_ ”

Nanako’s trust in Souji was clear even through their Shadows, as she gave him a smile and made her way towards the stairs without so much as a word of protest, even going so far as to politely wave goodbye to the Investigation Team as well before going upstairs to her room.

“Okay, can someone explain what the _hell_ is going on?” Kanji exclaimed as soon as Nanako was gone, giving voice to the entire team’s bewilderment.

Souji's Shadow raised an eyebrow as he rose to his feet and looked over at them. " _Isn't the fact that there was someone else here with me enough of a clue?_ "

Yosuke seemed to be the first one to understand what Souji's Shadow was getting at--not that Souji was surprised, of course. He always knew that Yosuke understood him best out of all of their friends, no matter how many times Souji repeated the year.

"So you're saying… partner doesn't want to be alone?" Yosuke glanced furtively over at Souji before turning his gaze back over to the Shadow. "Souji's not alone, though! He has us--"

" _Until the year is up,_ " Souji's Shadow interrupted, causing everyone save for Souji himself to flinch and drop their gazes at the reminder. " _That's not to say that he doesn't trust you all, because he does: he knows you all will keep in touch with him, and he knows he's welcome to visit whenever he wants. That's not the problem._ "

"If that's not it, then what _is_ the problem?" Chie asked, her brows furrowed.

"The problem," Souji said calmly, much to the group's surprise, "is that I don't want to leave Inaba. I don't want to be forced back into my old life, living in an empty apartment in a city where I'm just a nameless face among other nameless faces."

"So then don't go!" Rise moved over to Souji's side, grasping his hand in both of her own and giving him a reassuring smile. "I'm sure Dojima-san would be happy to take you in, and--"

"I've tried," Souji cut her off in that same calm, detached tone. "My parents are very forceful. Regardless of whether I want to or not, every time the year is over I have no choice but to leave."

Naoto's brows furrowed as she latched onto Souji's odd wording. "'Every time the year is over'...? You say that as if this has happened before."

" _It has,_ " Souji's Shadow responded. " _This is the… one hundred twenty-fifth time, if I'm not mistaken?_ "

Souji sighed as he saw the bewildered looks on his friends' faces, silently demanding answers that they weren't even sure how to ask for.

"One hundred twenty-ninth," Souji corrected.

" _Ah, yes. We try not to remember those first four disastrous times, right?_ "

Souji shrugged, carefully keeping his emotions under lock and key. "They were necessary to learn what we'd been doing wrong, but yes, I don't exactly enjoy remembering them." With a slight frown, he added, "Are you done yet? I'm not denying anything, so can you just disappear now?"

" _You know it would never be that simple,_ " Souji's Shadow replied, glancing over at the rest of the group with the slightest hint of regret. " _It was your own fault for letting things go on for this long. You have to be honest with them._ "

When Souji gave no response, Souji's Shadow sighed and took a step towards the rest of the group, holding up his hands to show that he was unarmed and had no intentions of fighting.

" _The first time he lived through this year, he made some… bad choices in the heat of the moment, to say the least. He was given a chance to do things over from the beginning and he took it, going through the year again and again until he figured out how to get the best possible ending for you all, so to speak--except when it came time for him to board the train and leave Inaba, he realized… he didn't want to go--and he didn't **have** to go, not when he could just start the year over again. So long as he never got on the train, he could stay with you all for the rest of eternity if he wanted--and even if he was the only one who could remember everything, even if he had to rebuild his bonds with you all from the very beginning over and over again…._"

"... It was all worth it," Souji finished quietly, before drawing his sword--and for a moment, everyone thought that Souji would turn the sword on his Shadow for revealing such a groundbreaking secret that he'd obviously been intending on keeping for the rest of his life.

It was only Yosuke and Naoto that caught on to his true intentions, and it was only Yosuke that was fast enough to reach Souji and grab his sword before Souji could turn the blade and plunge it into his chest.

"What the hell are you _doing?!_ " Yosuke shouted hysterically, caught between terror and rage at the thought of his partner tossing his own life aside without batting an eye.

Souji blinked, dropping his gaze down to where Yosuke was tightly gripping his blade in a shaking hand, blood slowly beginning to trickle down his arm from where the sword had cut him.

"You're bleeding," Souji pointed out, his brows furrowing in a mixture of concern and confusion. "Why did you do that?"

"Wh-- what the hell do you mean, _why?!_ You just-- you tried to--"

“I’m sorry.” Before Yosuke could even begin to feel relief, like maybe his partner was finally snapping out of whatever the hell had come over him, Souji continued to speak. “I should have given you all some warning first. Don’t worry, none of you will remember any of this once I reset.”

The hollow smile on Souji’s face made Yosuke’s heart plummet into the pit of his stomach, and he knew without even glancing behind him that the rest of the team was in just as much shocked dismay as he was.

“And you really think we’ll just say _oh sure, go ahead and **stab yourself?!**_ Are you _insane?!_ ”

Souji shrugged. “I’m about as sane as someone living through the same year over one hundred times can be.”

Yosuke faltered at that, a shudder running down his spine--he couldn’t even picture going through this year a second time, let alone… what was it, one hundred twenty-nine times? That would drive _anyone_ insane, not that it made Souji’s blasé attitude towards killing himself any better.

He pulled the sword out of Souji’s grip in a fit of anger and tossed it aside, feeling a small flash of satisfaction when Souji didn’t even twitch in its direction, and instead watched Yosuke in confusion.

"Yeah, well, this is the _last_ time you're living through this year."

Finally, Souji's composed visage cracked as fear and desperation quickly took its place. "Yosuke, I can't, I--"

"--don't want to be alone, I know," Yosuke finished, startling Souji into silence. "We'll figure out a way to make sure you can stay in Inaba--one that _doesn't_ involve living through this year a crazy amount of times--and we'll do it together."

He hesitated for a moment out of embarrassment before stepping forward and pulling Souji into a hug as he added, "You're not alone, partner, and you never will be ever again."

Souji's breath hitched, both from Yosuke's words and actions, but he hardly had the chance to so much as open his mouth before everyone else began piling onto the hug. Their voices, their commentary, their lighthearted bickering as they all tried to squeeze in as close to Souji as possible… it filled Souji with a rush of relief and peace that he hadn't felt in so long, his heart swelling with love for his friends--these wonderful, amazing friends that he'd been willing to throw away his future for in a desperate attempt to bask in their presence just a little longer, just one more year, just _one more_ \--

And now they were here, accepting him despite his flaws, despite knowing what he'd done, telling him that they were willing to fight for him just as he was willing to fight for them….

"Souji, are you… crying?"

Yosuke's question caused Souji to pull back slightly as he raised a hand to his face, looking down at his fingers in confusion when they came back wet.

"Oh… why…?" Souji blinked, trying to rub the tears away from under his glasses, but they continued to fall regardless of his attempts to stop them. "They-- they won't-- they're not stopping…."

"It's alright, partner." Yosuke pulled Souji back against him, resting his uninjured hand against his back and rubbing it just as Souji had done for him when he was grieving over Saki. "Just let it all out."

Souji let out a soft, shuddering sob as those few, simple words broke down the last of his restraint, and he clung to Yosuke tightly as feelings he hadn't even realized he'd been repressing came flooding out through his tears.

"Thank you… I'm sorry, thank you…."

Standing off to the side, watching as Souji's friends continued to comfort and support him, Souji's Shadow gave a soft smile before slowly fading away.

* * *

Once Souji ran out of tears to cry and calmed his breathing, he took a few more moments to bask in his friends' warm presence--with his head resting comfortably on Yosuke's shoulder, and everyone's arms and hands holding on to him as they surrounded him and squeezed in close--before reluctantly untangling himself from everyone.

"We should get going." With a small smile, he added, "I don't know if it was my Shadow or all the crying, but I'm exhausted."

Of course, no one was going to object to leaving the TV world--especially not after the mentally and emotionally exhausting revelation Souji and his Shadow had just unloaded on them--and so after Souji grabbed his sword and sheathed it (with seven pairs of eyes watching him like a hawk the whole time, not that Souji could blame them after what he just tried hardly a few minutes ago), as well as healed Yosuke's hand with a quiet apology, Teddie brought them all back to the entrance with a quick Traesto.

As the group made their way towards the TV stack, Souji hung back, watching them all with a fond smile that didn't fade even as Yosuke turned back to look at him inquisitively, prompting the rest of the group to stop and do the same.

"Partner?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking…." His expression softened as his gaze traveled around the group. "I know I don't say it as much as I should, but I really do love and appreciate you all so much."

Rise was the first to break out of the flustered stupor that fell over the group in the wake of Souji's unexpected declaration and affectionate expression, and she was quick to move over to his side and hug his arm with flushed cheeks and a bright grin.

"Aww, Senpai~! You know we love you too!"

"As friends!!" Yosuke hastily interjected, his face bright red.

Souji chuckled, eyeing Yosuke with fond amusement. "Of course," he agreed, before adding with a smile as he began making his way past everyone and over to the TV stack, "though for me, it's a bit more than that: after spending over one hundred years with you all, it was hard not to end up falling at least a little bit in love with each of you. How could I not, when you're such incredible people?"

Even without turning around, Souji recognized a startled squeal from Rise, Yosuke's flustered sputtering, Kanji's muffled noise of embarrassed disbelief, Chie's sharp intake of breath, Yukiko's soft " _oh_ …", Naoto's complete silence (no doubt with the brim of her hat lowered to cover her flushed face as she over-analyzed Souji's words), and Teddie--

"Sensei~~~!!"

Souji turned just in time to catch Teddie as the bear flung himself at him, and he couldn't help but chuckle at Teddie's wobbly-eyed expression.

"Sensei, does that mean you love me too?"

Souji gave Teddie a pat on the head. "Of course I do."

Teddie perked up excitedly. "Does that mean I can score with Sens--"

Teddie couldn't even finish his question before the entire group rounded on him, pulling him away from Souji as they all yelled their protests.

Laughter bubbled up and overflowed as Souji watched the entire exchange, his heart swelling with fond affection even as everyone turned away from trying to shake the idea of "scoring" with anyone out of Teddie and over to look at him.

"Senpai, don't just stand there laughing!" Kanji protested, giving Teddie one more shake for good measure. "Tell this perverted bear that he ain't _scoring_ with no one!"

"Sorry Teddie," Souji said as he turned his gaze over to Teddie, his laughter dying down though his mirthful expression remained. "I'm sure you'll find someone someday, though."

Teddie let out a disappointed sigh, putting a hand over his chest as he said, "Well, as long as Sensei loves me, I think I can survive this _bear_ y painful heartbreak."

" _Anyway,_ " Yosuke interrupted forcefully, his face still lightly flushed in embarrassment, "weren't we leaving? Partner needs to get some rest, and it's probably getting late anyway."

Despite it being an obvious attempt at changing the subject, no one could argue when Yosuke had brought up a good point: it had taken a while for them to reach Souji's Shadow, and they could all use some rest after everything that had been revealed to them.

Rise made her way through the TV first, making sure the coast was clear for everyone else as they made their way back to Junes one at a time, with Souji going second to last and Yosuke bringing up the rear to make sure his partner went through safely.

When they all parted ways to go home, Souji was unsurprised to find Yosuke walking alongside him instead of going with Teddie: he'd seen Yosuke briefly pull aside Teddie as the whole group left Junes, and he'd seen that Teddie was pouting slightly, so he was sure that Yosuke had told Teddie that he would be going with Souji to his house instead of going home, and that Teddie couldn't come because someone had to go home to let Yosuke's parents know where he was, which of course was just an excuse so that Yosuke could have some time alone with Souji to talk with him about everything that happened.

It wasn't too hard to piece everything together when he knew them both so well.

(Especially Yosuke--but Yosuke had always been a special case, ever since the very first year.)

He could see Yosuke glancing at him, as if waiting for him to ask why he was walking this way when his house was in the other direction, and an amused smile tugged at the corners of his lips in response.

"Are you planning on spending the night?" Souji asked, though he already knew Yosuke would say yes--after all, with Dojima and Nanako both in the hospital, the house was empty, and he'd just finished confessing that he didn't want to be alone.

(Not to mention that he had a feeling Yosuke was still worried about him trying to reset if left alone. He wouldn't, of course--not when he had no more reason to reset, at least for the time being--but he couldn't blame Yosuke for being concerned.)

"Was it that obvious?" Yosuke replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced away and said, "I mean… if you don't want me to then it's fine, but I figured, well… what kind of partner would I be if I let you go home to an empty house after you were just saying how you don't want to be alone?"

Souji's expression softened as he gave Yosuke a smile. "Of course I want you to. Thank you, partner."

Yosuke blushed, his gaze shifting and looking at everything other than Souji in embarrassment even as a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Souji spared Yosuke any further embarrassment and stayed quiet for the rest of the walk, giving Yosuke time to get his blush to die down and for him to work up the nerve to look back over at Souji.

"Are you, uh… are you doing alright?" Yosuke asked as they approached the Dojima household, watching as Souji calmly unlocked the door and entered.

"I think I'm doing better than I have in years, to be honest," Souji confessed as he took off his shoes and set them aside. "But if you mean about Dojima and Nanako, this is something that happens every year, so I'm used to it. It's upsetting when it happens, but knowing that they'll be alright and that they'll be home soon enough makes it easier to handle."

"Oh…." Yosuke awkwardly followed Souji inside after removing his own shoes, unsure of what to say. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the whole "repeating the same year one hundred twenty-nine times" thing, though he had to admit that there were a few things here and there about Souji that had struck him as odd in the moment but were making much more sense in hindsight.

"I know you're still having trouble accepting all of this," Souji said as he made his way into the kitchen, his lips twitching upward in amusement as he saw Yosuke jump out of the corner of his eye.

"Did you just--"

"Read your mind?" Souji finished with a hint of a mischievous smile, letting out a soft laugh as Yosuke blanched and stared at him with a wide-eyed look. "Yosuke, calm down, I'm just messing with you. I can't read your mind, I promise."

Yosuke flushed lightly in embarrassment, lightly shoulder-checking Souji with a huff as he opened the refrigerator to get himself and Souji something to drink. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Souji started rummaging through the cabinets for what he would need to start preparing dinner for them as he responded, "Jerk. So then how'd you know what I was thinking?"

"It's not hard to guess what you're thinking when I've known you for so long."

Yosuke was grateful that he was leaning into the refrigerator, otherwise his face would have probably been even hotter than it already was just from the clear fondness in Souji's tone--which of course brought back the memory of Souji's declaration in the TV world, as if Yosuke wasn't already embarrassed enough as it was.

"Did you mean it?" he couldn't help but blurt out, tightening his grip on the refrigerator door as he straightened back up and closed it without even remembering to grab a can of soda.

"If it bothers you, then you can forget I ever said it," Souji replied calmly as he paused in his actions and shifted his attention back over to Yosuke as well, having already braced himself for the subject to come up at some point while they were alone. "I did mean it, but I would never act on it or do anything to make you uncomfortable, you have my word."

"I-- that's not-- I-I know that, I just… you seriously… I mean, I get falling for all the girls, and I'm not really into guys so I can't really comment on Kanji or Teddie, but--"

"Yosuke," Souji interrupted with a gentle smile, "you were the first person I fell in love with--not just out of our friends, but out of everyone I've ever met in my entire life--and my feelings for you are just as strong now as they were from the very first year that I came to Inaba."

Yosuke made a strangled noise, his face burning as he quickly turned away from Souji--yet despite his embarrassment, he couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his lips as his heart swelled in his chest.

It should have been weird that he felt happy that Souji had fallen for him first, but… well, Yosuke wasn't blind--he knew Souji was an incredible guy, and if someone as amazing as Souji seriously loved someone like _him_ ….

"Why?" he just barely managed to get out, his throat feeling tight with restrained emotion.

"I just saw you riding your bike into a trash can that very first day and thought 'ah, there he is, the man of my dreams'."

Yosuke looked back over at Souji in bewildered shock, only to find a teasing smile on his partner's face.

"You ass," he replied, a laugh slipping out even as he gave Souji a light punch on the shoulder. "I almost believed you for a second."

Souji chuckled, reaching up to put his hand over Yosuke's fist and smiling as Yosuke blushed but didn't pull away.

"Sorry," he apologized halfheartedly, unable to feel too bad about teasing his partner when it had the intended effect of easing some of his nervous tension. "In all seriousness, though… I wish I could say I clearly remember the moment I realized I was in love with you, but I've loved you for so long now that it just feels as natural as breathing for me: it's something I've always done without thinking, for as long as I can remember. With the rest of our friends, I grew to love them over time, but…"

Souji watched Yosuke's face carefully as he lifted Yosuke's hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it, noting with relief that he was merely flustered by the action and not repulsed.

"... nothing can compare to how I feel about you," he finished. "It's so deeply ingrained in me that I could go the rest of my life and never love someone as deeply and unconditionally as I love you."

"Souji…."

Part of Yosuke felt mortified by the tears that were clouding his vision, by the fact that a confession of love from a guy could move him this much and make his heart fly out of his chest--but a larger part of him didn't care because this was _Souji_ , his partner, the best thing to ever happen to Yosuke, and he'd spent so much of his life thinking that something was wrong with him because no one would love him, only for the most amazing person he knew to confess that he had such intense feelings of love and devotion towards him that they could last for over a _century_ and still be so pure and strong that Souji could call it _unconditional_ ….

Yosuke hesitated before taking a shaky step forward, his heart lifting in relief when Souji knew what he wanted and stepped forward to meet him halfway, wrapping his arms around Yosuke and holding him close.

He let out a soft, shuddering sigh and leaned into Souji's embrace.

"I'm sorry, was that too much?" Souji asked softly, rubbing Yosuke's back soothingly.

"A bit," Yosuke replied with a shaky laugh. "I've never… no one's ever… I mean, I was starting to think there was something wrong with me, like it's disgusting or a joke that anyone would ever want to be with me--and I mean, I get it, people hate me because they hate Junes, but even outside of Inaba no one ever even gives me a second glance or the time of day or _anything_." He paused for a moment before adding with a tinge of bitterness, "I know I'm nowhere near as amazing as you, but seeing everyone tripping over themselves for your attention while I'm pushed to the sidelines and treated like a joke… it kind of makes me wonder what you of all people could possibly love about me when you have so many other, better people to choose from."

Souji remained quiet, letting Yosuke say his piece before moving a hand up to run through Yosuke's hair, smiling as Yosuke didn't pull away or protest the action despite his breath audibly hitching and his blush darkening.

"You're a kind and generous person, always going above and beyond for your friends regardless of whether or not it's reciprocated," Souji began, fondness seeping into every last word as he spoke. "You're loyal, dedicated, and passionate; you're one of the sharpest, most intuitive people I know, and the fact that you're able to read me and understand me better than anyone still leaves me in awe; you're funny, witty, charming, incredibly attractive… I could go on for hours."

Yosuke hid his burning face against Souji's shoulder with a strangled noise, feeling completely overwhelmed (yet oddly enough, not repulsed) by the clear endearment in Souji's tone and the kindness of every word.

"I don't think I'm any of that when I'm shoving my foot in my mouth or making an ass of myself," he retorted weakly.

Souji chuckled. "I never said you were perfect--no one is."

"Except you," Yosuke muttered obstinately.

"I've had a long time to get it right," Souji replied with a wry smile. "Even I made some embarrassing mistakes and social missteps the first few times I lived through the year."

Yosuke let out a quiet huff of laughter. "Kinda hard to picture you messing up anything. You've got your weird quirks, sure, but you seem like you've always been the kind of person who's got their stuff together."

Souji shrugged his free shoulder. "Maybe I was, it's hard to say. I don't like thinking too far back, and anything before I came to Inaba is… hazy, at best." Before Yosuke could respond, Souji pulled out of the hug and gave him a smile. "Anyway, I think I've unloaded enough on you for one day. Go sit down inside and relax, and I'll start preparing dinner. If you want to shower, you can help yourself to a change of clothes, and I'll put yours in the wash for you."

Yosuke frowned as Souji turned away from him and went back to taking out everything he would need to cook for the two of them, obviously content to let his own problems go unspoken so long as Yosuke's insecurities had been addressed and put to rest.

As if Yosuke was going to let that happen.

Souji flinched and blushed heavily as a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around him from behind, completely caught off-guard by the sudden, unexpected action.

"Stop bottling things up," Yosuke said with a disapproving frown. "Your Shadow already made it clear that everything you've been hiding has been eating away at you, so why are you still trying to push your problems aside?"

"I… like I said, I already--"

"Partner," Yosuke interrupted, "I don't care how much you unload on me--hell, with how much I've been dumping all my problems on you, I think you've more than earned the right to do the same to me. That's why we're _partners_ , right? We help each other out; it's not just a one-way street."

Souji let out a quiet sigh as he tentatively relaxed in Yosuke's embrace, remaining silent for a moment longer as he gathered his thoughts before speaking.

"The first year that I came to Inaba was… the best and worst year of my life," he began, absentmindedly putting a shaking hand on top of one of Yosuke's arms and lightly gripping it for support. "I met all of our friends, I fell in love with you, I helped people with their problems, we fought Shadows and saved people inside the TV… and then Nanako died."

Yosuke sucked in a sharp breath, unconsciously tightening his hold on Souji in shock, but he forced himself to remain quiet and let Souji speak.

"We sent an innocent man to his death in our grief and rage, and Inaba was left shrouded in fog even as I boarded the train to leave at the end of the year--except as soon as I went to step onto the train, I heard a voice telling me that this wasn't the outcome we were meant to get, and I was offered the opportunity to do things over from the beginning. Of course I took it without hesitation, and though reliving the same year again was hard, there was something refreshing about rebuilding and strengthening my bonds with all of you." A smile flitted across Souji's face, before falling back to a neutral expression as he continued. "That time, we figured out that Namatame wasn't the true killer"--

(He heard Yosuke suck in another sharp breath at that and belatedly realized that they hadn't gotten up to that realization in this timeline yet, but figured there was no harm in letting it slip--Yosuke and the rest of their friends would have figured it out eventually anyway)

\--"but we were never able to find the true killer, and though Nanako lived, Inaba remained shrouded in fog. So I reset again, and that time we figured out the true killer's identity, except… they were too strong. We weren't able to defeat them in time, and…."

Souji shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut as the memories of Inaba being overtaken by Shadows washed over him, remembering the choking pressure of the fog, the sounds of people's screams as they fought to retain both their humanity and their lives, Naoto's final words as she called him for help (" _Th-the entire town... it’s filled with Shadows... I can’t--!!_ ") before screaming as she was attacked and--

"Souji!!"

Souji hadn't even realized he was panicking until Yosuke turned him around and properly pulled him against his chest, hugging him tightly as one of his shaking hands moved to run through Souji's hair.

"Souji, partner, it's okay, you're okay, just breathe…."

Souji took a few shaky breaths as he clung to Yosuke, forcefully pulling himself from his memories and trying to calm down.

That was in the past. None of that happened yet. None of that would happen. Everyone was safe.

"Sorry," he apologized weakly, loosening his grip on Yosuke as soon as he got his breathing and his emotions under control. "I… don't like thinking about that year very much." Before Yosuke could reply, Souji continued, inwardly feeling grateful when Yosuke didn't try to stop him or try to change the subject back to Souji's brief panic attack. "In any case, I reset again, and we were able to defeat the true killer, but… there was still one more entity we had to fight."

"'Entity'?" Yosuke asked, quickly catching on to Souji's odd phrasing. "Not a Shadow, or a person?"

Souji shook his head. "I'll tell you when the time comes, but for now… I can't answer that."

Yosuke frowned but reluctantly nodded in understanding, allowing Souji to continue.

"The battle… didn't go well. At all. One by one, I watched you all…." Souji trailed off with a lump in his throat, taking a moment to compose himself before continuing. "I barely had the strength to reset again, but I managed, thankfully. The fifth time… the fifth time is when I finally got everything right, and we all made it to the very end of the year safely--except when I was getting ready to get on the train, I…."

"You'd already been with us for… five years, at that point," Yosuke continued after Souji trailed off into silence, piecing together what Souji wanted to say without him needing to say it. "You didn't want to leave and go back to being alone after all that time."

"Even more than that, I just… when I realized I could still reset, I thought… what would be the harm in doing the year over one more time, now that I knew exactly what needed to be done? I'd spent that fifth year so stressed and so nervous about trying to get things right that I hardly had a chance to breathe, let alone to just enjoy being with my friends--so… I reset. I lived through the year again, and I was finally able to just relax and enjoy the year proper--or, well, enjoy it comparatively speaking, of course," Souji hastily amended as he pulled back to look at Yosuke guiltily. "I know that a lot of bad things have happened over the course of the year that you wouldn't consider good, and I don't consider them good either of course, I just mean--"

"I know, partner, I get it," Yosuke reassured him, giving his shoulder a light squeeze. "After everything you'd been through, it must've felt like a load off to just go through the year without having to worry or question what would happen, right?"

Souji relaxed, relieved and grateful that his partner understood him. "It was," he agreed. "Except when I got to the end of the year again, I still couldn't bring myself to leave, so I just… reset again--and again, and again, and again, until it became second nature to just reset at the end of the year."

"When you say that, though… do you mean you--"

"No," Souji quickly replied, his expression softening as Yosuke visibly relaxed in relief. "When I reached that point of the year, I could just… I guess the best way I can explain it is like restarting a video game, like how easy it is to go back to the main menu and just start up a new game: I just thought about going back, and whatever it is that granted me the power to reset in the first place would resonate with that wish, sending me right back to the beginning. The only time I would have to… physically force myself into a reset was if I tried to reset in the middle of the year, which I've only done a few times."

"Why?" Yosuke forced himself to ask, honestly not sure if he even wanted to hear the answer.

"Because I messed up," Souji replied simply. "Honestly, part of me is still prepared to have to reset even now: every time I make a major change that wasn't supposed to happen, something goes wrong. It's why I stopped trying to confront the true killer right away, or trying to save Saki or Morooka-sensei, or even trying to prevent any of our friends from being kidnapped and forced into the TV." He smiled humorlessly. "Change brings nothing but tragedy. It's better for things to stay the same, and if that's what the universe or god or-- or _whatever_ keeps making horrible things happen whenever I try and change something wants, then I'll continue living through the year without changing a thing. As long as I can stay with my friends and my family--my _true_ family, not my parents--then that’s all that matters to me."

Yosuke’s heart clenched in a mixture of grief, anger, and sympathy as he pulled Souji into another hug. “Partner,” he began firmly, “you’re not going to reset. Ever. Again. I get that you’re afraid of change--I think anyone would be after going through everything you’ve been through--but… you can’t keep running from the future forever. We won’t let you--especially not now that we know all of this. We won’t let anything bad happen to ruin the rest of the year, and we’re going to put our heads together and figure out a way to convince your parents to let you stay in Inaba--and if they still don’t let you stay, then, well… we’ll just… I dunno, we’ll kidnap you or something!” He couldn’t help but grin as he heard the startled huff of laughter that slipped out of Souji in response, feeling both pleased and oddly proud that he’d managed to surprise him. “I’m serious! We could even get Dojima-san involved--hell, I’m sure the whole _town_ would cover for you if you needed; everyone loves you.”

Souji’s heart lifted from Yosuke’s optimism and determination--when he said it like that, it almost felt like it would really be possible for him to stay in Inaba without needing to keep resetting the year.

The reminder that he was loved (that he wasn’t _alone_ ) helped with mustering up his own spark of optimism, too. It was a welcome sentiment to hear that after so many decades of doing everything in his power to help everyone else with their problems, everyone was willing to do the same for him, even if he would never outright ask for it.

“Let’s save getting the town involved for a last resort,” Souji replied wryly, though it was clear from his expression that his mood had lifted--which was good enough for Yosuke, whose pleased grin widened in satisfaction as he pulled out of the hug and clapped Souji on the shoulder.

“Fair enough. How about we get everyone together tomorrow and start brainstorming ideas? I’m sure at least _one_ of us can come up with an idea that you haven’t thought of yet.”

Souji’s expression softened as he gave Yosuke a smile, putting his hand on top of Yosuke’s and giving it a light squeeze.

“Sounds good to me. Thanks, partner.”

Yosuke flushed, abruptly remembering their previous conversation and Souji’s heartfelt confession, and he only realized that he’d been staring at their joined hands when Souji let go and turned his attention back to preparing dinner.

“I-- I’m sorry, I--”

“It’s okay, Yosuke,” Souji reassured him with a gentle smile. “Like I told you before, I’m not going to do anything, or force you to do or say anything you don’t want. I just want you to know that I love and appreciate you, now more than ever for being here for me even after hearing everything I’ve had to say.”

“I don’t--!” Yosuke cut off quickly in embarrassment as Souji turned to look at him in surprised confusion, startled by Yosuke suddenly (and unintentionally) raising his voice.

“I don’t… mind,” Yosuke tried again at a more normal volume, his face burning as he forced out the words--not because they were untrue, but just because it was embarrassing to say aloud, especially after the hell he raised over Kanji’s Shadow. “I mean, you’re my partner, and I trust you, and… and honestly, it made me kind of… happy, to know that you, uh-- _care about_ me that much. So, um….”

Souji gave Yosuke an understanding look, a smile still on his face. “Yosuke, it’s _okay,_ ” he reassured him once more. “Thank you for trusting me enough to accept my feelings, and I’m glad that it makes you happy to know how I feel. Now go get showered and changed into something comfortable, and I’ll have dinner on the table by the time you’re done.”

Yosuke rubbed the back of his neck, still feeling a bit flustered and worried despite Souji’s reassurances. “You sure? Do you want me to at least help with making dinner, or to just keep you company, or--”

“ _Yosuke,_ ” Souji said, his expression and tone both fondly exasperated as he put his hands on Yosuke’s shoulders and gently pushed him towards the stairs. “I promise, everything’s fine, _I’m_ fine, and my fear of being alone does _not_ mean you need to be glued to my side--not that I would object to that, of course, but I promise I’ll live if you leave to go take a shower.”

Yosuke couldn’t help but laugh as he stumbled towards the stairs. “Fine, fine, I get it, I’m going.”

Souji nodded in satisfaction as he watched Yosuke make his way upstairs, before heading back into the kitchen with a pleased smile, his heart feeling lighter than it had in decades.

Change always brought about tragedy--yet for once, Souji couldn’t help but feel like this one, huge change to his normal, repetitive year would bring about something better than he ever could have dreamed of.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to be writing any continuations to this ~~which is what I said about Only A Matter Of Time too but I'm serious this time I swear~~ because a) there's not much to change aside from Souji staying in Inaba, and b) I... _might_ already have a different P4 NG+ au already in the works. Maybe. Perhaps.
> 
> ~~Yes I'm a one-trick pony, no I will not be stopping any time soon~~
> 
> Thanks for reading! ^^


End file.
